Pathfinders Coaching » Allegories & Anecdotes

Coach’s Challenge for 11/22/10 “Benefits of Failure & Imagination”

Kathleen Doyle-White — Sun, 21 Nov 2010 21:54:39 +0000

Good day, team,

At a client’s request, I’m resending a piece that I originally sent in 2008, from J. K. Rowling’s commencement address to Harvard’s graduating class. This is part one; I will send part two next week.

In 2008, J.K. Rowling, acclaimed author of the Harry Potter novels, gave the commencement address at Harvard University. She called her talk “The Fringe Benefits of Failure and the Importance of Imagination.” When I read it, I found it so inspiring that I wanted to share some of the best parts with you.

First, a bit about her background, as context. J.K. Rowling’s parents both grew up poor, so they insisted she study subjects in college that would land her a great, high-paying job. She, on the other hand, wanted to write fiction. The two parties compromised on her pursuing a vocational degree in modern languages. But once in school, Rowling quickly switched to majoring in classics.

Though the decision weighed heavily upon her, her passion was so great that she continued to write stories during her lunch hours. Unlike her parents, who feared poverty, Rowling feared failure, and she actually ended up attracting it in significant ways. Here is an excerpt from her speech:

“Ultimately, we all have to decide for ourselves what constitutes failure, but the world is quite eager to give you a set of criteria if you let it. So I think it fair to say that by any conventional measure, a mere seven years after my graduation day, I had failed on an epic scale. An exceptionally short-lived marriage had imploded, and I was jobless, a lone parent, and as poor as it is possible to be in modern Britain, without being homeless. The fears my parents had had for me, and that I had had for myself, had both come to pass, and by every usual standard, I was the biggest failure I knew.”

However, the author found a light at the end of the tunnel when she ended up in the most dire conditions. And, in doing so, she was able to realize her destiny.

“So why do I talk about the benefits of failure? Simply because failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena I believed I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had already been realised, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.

“You might never fail on the scale I did, but some failure in life is inevitable. It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all—in which case, you fail by default.

“Failure gave me an inner security that I had never attained by passing examinations. Failure taught me things about myself that I could have learned no other way. I discovered that I had a strong will, and more discipline than I had suspected; I also found out that I had friends whose value was truly above rubies.

“The knowledge that you have emerged wiser and stronger from setbacks means that you are, ever after, secure in your ability to survive. You will never truly know yourself, or the strength of your relationships, until both have been tested by adversity. Such knowledge is a true gift, for all that it is painfully won, and it has been worth more to me than any qualification I ever earned.”

Your challenge this week is to face your fear of failure and decide not to let it overtake you. Take your fearful state of mind and heart and use it propel you into doing something you love or to find alternative ways to live. For example, a friend of mine and her neighbors recently planted a city garden to offset the cost of food. She never realized how much she loved getting up early in the morning and going out to plant or harvest what she grows. My neighbor has already lost 10 pounds and is feeling better than ever now that she bikes and walks to work. A client has finally quit a job she hated for years to pursue her dream of painting watercolors full time.

If we take Rowling’s words to heart, we can begin to see these changes in fortune as an opportunity to gain something new rather than to lose or to fail. Decide for yourself what path you would like your life to take based on your passion for it, rather than the fear of failing at it.

At the end of her speech, Rowling quoted from the great Roman philosopher Seneca. As you face your fear of failure this week, remember his words:

“As is a tale, so is life: not how long it is, but how good it is, is what matters.”

Stay tuned for next week‘s challenge for the second subject of her speech, the importance of imagination.

Have a great holiday week, everyone. We all have lots to be grateful for!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White

Pathfinders Coaching

(503) 296-9249

Coach’s Challenge for 10/4/10 “Quotations”

Kathleen Doyle-White — Mon, 04 Oct 2010 00:00:23 +0000

Good day team,

Since I'll be on vacation over the next few weeks, I wanted to share
some food for thought to inspire you to create your own weekly
challenge. I've listed some of my favorite quotations below for that
purpose.

One of my aims before I went on my vacation this year was to use
social media more appropriately for my business. To that end, I signed
on to Twitter this week, which frankly, I've been slow to do. The idea
of sending out sound bites to people about what I'm doing, or how I'm
feeling didn't sound very appealing to me. But, then I realized that sharing
pithy comments or inspiring quotes is something I would enjoy doing.

In thinking about twittery things I could share, I went through many of
the bits and pieces of wisdom I've collected over the years and found
a collection of great quotes. If you'd like to send some of them
out on your twitter feed, please feel free.

"The certain test of sanity is if you accept life whole, as it is." Lao-Tzu

"By believing passionately in something that still does not exist, we
create it. The non-existent is whatever we have not sufficiently
desired." Nikos Kazantzakis

"The winners of tomorrow will deal proactively with chaos, will look at
the chaos per se as the source of market advantage, not as a problem to
be gotten around." Tom Peters

"The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter
his life by altering his attitudes of mind." William James

"If you've always done it that way, it's probably wrong." Charles Kettering

"Simplify and then go deeper, making a commitment to what remains." Sue
Bender

"Accumulating choices is a way of not having to make a choice." Sue Bender

"When we are frantic and feel particularly rushed, we can stop and ask,
"Rushing for what?" Sue Bender

"Work is love made visible." Kahlil Gabran

"In the middle of the road of my life
I awoke in the dark wood
Where the true way was wholly lost." Dante

"I've learned that the greater a person's sense of guilt, the greater
his need to cast blame on others." 46 year old's discovery

"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in
harmony." Ghandi

"Depending on the circumstances,
You should be hard as a diamond,
Flexible as a willow,
Smooth-flowing like water
or as empty as space." Morihei Ueshiba

"Whatever you
can do or dream
you can, begin it.
Boldness has
genius, power
and magic in it.
Begin it now." Goethe

"Any society that would give up a little liberty to gain a little
security will deserve neither and lose both. " Ben Franklin

"Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a
butterfly." Anonymous

"Be what you is, cuz if you be what you ain't,
then you ain't what you is." Grave marker, Boothill Cemetary, Tombstone,
Arizona

"An Amish woman told me,
Making a batch of vegetable soup,
it's not right for the carrot to say
I taste better than the peas, or the pea to say
I taste better than the cabbage.
It takes all the vegetables to make a good soup!" Sue Bender

“A problem cannot be solved at the level of consciousness in which it
occurs."Albert Einstein

"When, with breaking heart,
I realize
this world is only a dream,
the oak tree looks radiant. Anryu Suharu

"Simply trust.
Do not petals fall
Just like that. Seiki

"It's not about becoming more. It's about allowing ourselves to be what
we have already become." Kathleen Doyle-White

"Women dress well in countries where they undress often." French Proverb

Note: I'll be on vacation in France for the next two weeks, returning on
10/19. The next challenge will be published on October 24, 2010.

Have a good few weeks,

Kathleen
Kathleen Doyle-White

Pathfinders Coaching

(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2010 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

Coach’s Challenge for 8/30/10 “Wealth”

Kathleen Doyle-White — Sat, 28 Aug 2010 23:45:01 +0000

Good day, team,

This week I had an unusual experience that is the basis for the coach’s challenge.

Mid-week I traveled to southern California to work with a client company. When I arrived at the Residence Inn where I was staying, I was informed that they were overbooked. I could tell that the clerk at the front desk was embarrassed as he handed me a letter stating that they were sorry about the inconvenience, but would pay for me to stay at another Marriott not far from their hotel.

I had already had a long day. It was 102 degrees outside, and I had just walked a fair distance with my briefcase and roller bag. As I walked back to my rental car, I thought, “Wait a minute, I don’t want to go to a different hotel.” I noticed the letter had been signed by the Residence Inn manager and included his phone number. I called him and asked, “What gives? I’m a Marriott Rewards member, and this has never happened to me before.” To his credit, he asked if I was still at the hotel and then came out to meet me, shook my hand and apologized.

After explaining why this had happened, he asked if he could give me 10,000 Marriott Rewards bonus points and pay for me to stay across the street at The Four Seasons. I was shocked. Having known The Four Seasons in San Francisco, I was amazed that I was being sent to a 5-star hotel for free and immediately said yes.

As I pulled up to The Four Seasons, I saw a Rolls Royce and a Ferrari parked at the entrance. I suddenly wasn’t sure if I was going to be high falutin enough to stay here. But I parked my car and entered through the front sliding doors, immediately greeted by four doormen falling all over themselves to offer me assistance. When I went to the front desk and presented my letter from the manager of the Residence Inn requesting that they give me a room and breakfast at his expense, I was treated like a queen. It was as if they couldn’t do enough for me. After the desk clerk explained where the bar and restaurant were and gave me a full description of the hotel spa—”the largest hotel spa in California,” he said proudly—I wandered though the expansive lobby to the elevators and ascended to the right floor.

Upon entering my room, I was immediately impressed by the original art on the walls, comfy furniture, huge bed, marble floors, giant bathtub and double shower, phone in the loo, gorgeous silk drapery, and especially the quiet. It was oh, soooo quiet.

“I could get used to this,” I thought and immediately changed into my swimsuit so I could go for a dip in the pool. As I passed the mirrored doors on the closet, I caught a glimpse and realized that my faithful old Speedo was looking pretty ragged. Was it going to be good enough for the pool scene at The Four Seasons? Oh well, I thought. The body in the suit is pretty old and faithful too, and it’s probably not Four Seasons material either, but we’ve got what we’ve got and off I went.

I got lost trying to find the outdoor pool in the maze of the largest hotel spa in California, but when I got there, I was relieved to see only a half dozen people including two pool attendants. No one seemed to be interested in what I was doing or wearing, so I gleefully jumped into the pool, swam 10 glorious laps and plopped myself down on a lounge chair to take in the last rays of sun on a blazing hot day.

Lying there, I couldn’t help but overhear what the pool attendants were saying. “What a gig this is, man. We get paid to do almost nothing except set up lounge chairs with pillows and extra large towels for the guests, serve them drinks, and make sure they know where the bathrooms are. And there’s hardly anyone here, so it’s easy to just listen to my i-Pod, or text my friends or hang out. Pretty cool!”

The other attendant replied, “Yeah, it’s a far cry from what’s happening in Pakistan, I mean, there was this picture in the paper today of these people who were just on their knees praying that someone would give them some rice or anything to eat. And when I think of the food this hotel throws away every day, it seems crazy to me that some people have so much and some have so little.”

I pondered their comments and realized that something in me has never been comfortable with excess. I was certainly enjoying the lap of luxury I had been dropped into, but I also realized that I’m perfectly content with far less and in some ways, enjoy making the most of what I have. I feel very lucky about all the abundance in my life, and as much as I appreciate the finer things in life, I don’t really need them to feel content. In fact, I felt a little uncomfortable with all the excess I saw around me. I could also see that I had been given an opportunity to enjoy these finer things for one brief period of time, and I was grateful for it. Life bestows gifts upon us when we least expect them, and we ought to feel very grateful for them when they happen.

This week, see where your life is abundant. Do you often wish that you had more? Do you feel that your life is more about scarcity rather than abundance? What are the little things in your life that make you really happy? Are you constantly striving for something better, something finer, something different? Are you grateful for what you have?

We do live in the richest country in the world, and there’s no doubt that we have more than most. But if we can’t appreciate what we have, then we live like emotional paupers. Craving is a sickness that breeds unhappiness and greed and can turn the most blessed person into a beggar.

There’s nothing sweeter than seeing someone appreciate just what they have. Consider that sweetness and try experiencing some of it this week.

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White

Pathfinders Coaching

(503) 296-9249

to feel very grateful for them when they happen. This week, see where your life is abundant. Do you often wish that you had more? Do you feel that your life is more about scarcity rather than abundance? What are the little things in your life that make you really happy? Are you constantly striving for something better, something finer, something different? Are you grateful for what you have? We do live in the richest country in the world, and there’s no doubt that we have more than most. But if we can’t appreciate what we have, then we live like emotional paupers. Craving is a sickness that breeds unhappiness and greed and can turn the most blessed person into a beggar. There’s nothing sweeter than seeing someone appreciate just what they have. Consider that sweetness and try experiencing some of it this week. Have a good week! Kathleen Kathleen Doyle-White Pathfinders Coaching (503) 296-9249 © Copyright 2010 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.