This week’s challenge comes from a Fast Company article sent to me by a client. The complete article, “Culture Eats Strategy for Lunch” by Shawn Parr, can be found here.

The heart of the piece is about the importance of creating a vibrant company culture that everyone from your CEO down can contribute to and relate to in their daily work lives. Parr writes, “It’s not good enough just to have an amazing product and a healthy bank balance. Long-term success is dependent on a culture that is nurtured and alive. Culture is the environment in which your strategy and your brand thrives or dies a slow death.”

Last week, I had the privilege of working in a two-day summit meeting with a client’s technology team. We spent some time discussing the team’s shared values by first identifying each team member’s individual values (What are the five most important things in your life?), sharing those individual values, translating how they show up in the workplace and, finally, defining the behaviors that best illustrate those values. It sounds like a long, painstaking process, but this exercise of relating core personal values to workplace behaviors is far better than having the corporation post values in the lobby that no one pays any attention to.

Doing this exercise allowed the team to discover that their values are much more similar than different, which means that even when they strongly disagree, they have a way to remind each other of where they do agree. It allows a shared, foundational understanding to become part of difficult discussions, which can then neutralize an argument.

Embracing core values is only one aspect of creating a vibrant corporate culture. The following excerpt from Parr’s article shows us four more important pieces to the puzzle:

Uncommon sense for a courageous and vibrant culture

It’s easy to look at companies like Stonyfield Farms, Zappos, Google, Virgin, Whole Foods or Southwest Airlines and admire them for their passionate, engaged and active cultures that are on display for the world to see. Building a strong culture takes hard work and true commitment, and while not something you can tick off in boxes, here are some very basic building blocks to consider:

1. Dynamic and engaged leadership
A vibrant culture is organic and evolving. It is fueled and inspired by leadership that is actively involved and informed about the realities of the business. They genuinely care about the company’s role in the world and are passionately engaged. They are great communicators and motivators who set out a clearly communicated vision, mission, values and goals, and create an environment for them to come alive.

2. Living values
It’s one thing to have beliefs and values spelled out in a frame in the conference room. It’s another thing to have genuine and memorable beliefs that are directional, alive and modeled throughout the organization daily. It’s important that departments and individuals are motivated and measured against the way they model the values. And, if you want a values-driven culture, hire people using the values as a filter. If you want your company to embody the culture, empower people and ensure that every department understands what’s expected. Don’t just list your company’s values in PowerPoint; bring them to life in people, products and spaces, at events, and in communication.

3. Responsibility and accountability

Strong cultures empower their people. They recognize their talents and give them a very clear role with responsibilities they’re accountable for. It’s amazing how basic this is but how absent the principle is in many businesses.

4. Celebrate success and failure

Most companies that run at high speed often forget to celebrate their victories both big and small, and they rarely have time or the humility to acknowledge and learn from their failures. Celebrate both your victories and failures in your own unique way, but share them and share them often.

***
This week, take a look at your organization’s culture. Would you call it vibrant? Do your customers know what you stand for? Are your employees actively involved, engaged and empowered? If not, what can you do to influence your team and your company to create a culture that everyone is proud to belong to and where he or she wants to succeed?

As Parr reminds us, “A strong culture flourishes with a clear set of values and norms that actively guide the way a company operates. Employees are actively and passionately engaged in the business, operating from a sense of confidence and empowerment rather than navigating their days through miserably extensive procedures and mind-numbing bureaucracy. Performance-oriented cultures possess statistically better financial growth, with high employee involvement, strong internal communication and an acceptance of a healthy level of risk-taking in order to achieve new levels of innovation.”

Sounds like the kind of culture I’d like to be a part of, how about you?

Have a good week!

Kathleen

P.S. The coach will be on vacation from Feb. 10–15. The next challenge will be published on Feb. 19.

© Copyright 2012 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search Inc., all rights reserved.

Good day, team.

This past week, I’ve been thinking a lot about the importance of asking good questions. I realized that learning how to ask good questions was not a part of my education. All through school, we were encouraged to come up with the right answers — but not to become experts at the process of inquiry. This sets us up in our lives to always feel compelled to have the answer — and always the right answer.

It wasn’t until I was trained to be a coach that I learned how to ask good questions. We were encouraged not to answer any questions but rather to continue to inquire even if we thought we had the answers for our clients. Through the questions, we can prompt our clients to discover more about themselves, investigate more thoroughly the circumstances they find themselves in and understand how people are influencing their lives. In fact, so much about coaching revolves around the process of inquiry that you could say the best coaches ask the most insightful and relevant questions.

Having been an executive recruiter for many years, I was accustomed to a traditional form of interviewing that asked candidates questions about their work history and experience. I received lots of information about what they had done and how they did it. What I didn’t get enough of was a good understanding of who the person was. Back then, we didn’t ask a lot of ‘who’ questions like, what did he or she value most and want to see reflected in the values of an organization? What was the person most proud of in his or her life — not just in terms of work — and what would he or she never be willing to give up? Where did he or she tend to self-sabotage? How well did the candidate know themselves? How would a close friend or associate describe the character of the candidate?

Here’s a great example of a “who” question and answer. A good friend of mine named Ben was interviewing for a position to do something he hadn’t done before. He had some of the skills from a previous profession, but he would require much technical training if he got this new job. It would require a good-sized investment on the part of the organization if he were hired. He knew it would be a stretch for them to select him over other candidates who had just the right background for the job.

Toward the end of the interview, the hiring manager asked Ben, “What are you most proud of accomplishing in your life?” After a brief hesitation, Ben replied, “Staying married for the past 25 years.” The hiring manager chuckled, “I know exactly what you mean,” he said. “It’s a real challenge and commitment to stick with it through thick and thin.” It was at that point that the real connection was made between Ben and the hiring manager. By answering the question truthfully and sincerely, Ben revealed much more about who he was and what was important to him. He got the job and continued to have an open and genuine relationship with his new boss.

Asking good questions of others is one part of this challenge; the other is to be willing to ask yourself more questions. I think our fear of self-discovery comes from living in a world where outward appearances are so important. The emphasis is on how you look and act for other people, and you’re not encouraged to look inward to discover more about who’s in there. It’s as though the character you play on stage is more important than who’s in the dressing room before you put on your costume.

Self-inquiry is important, and it’s often the only way I can get to what’s at the heart of a matter for myself. When I’m worried about something or have something I need to work through, I often ask myself “why” to get to the deeper matter at hand. Here’s an example of some recent self dialogue:

— I’m afraid to have that difficult conversation with that person.

— Why?

— Because it will make me feel nervous and anxious.

— Why?

— Because when I think about the reaction that person will have, it makes me cringe and feel extremely uncomfortable.

— Why?

— Because I don’t want her to think I’m judging her, and I don’t want her to think badly of me.

— Why?

— Because I worry about what she will think of me.

__Why?

— Because I’m not very confident about my relationship with her.

— Why?

— Because I don’t trust she’ll see that I have the best of intentions toward her.

— Why?

— Because she doesn’t trust me.

— Why?

— Because she has trouble trusting people.

And so on.

I first heard about the “why” exercise when I read that Sony Corp. used this as a practice to help employees get to the real reasons behind why they should or shouldn’t do something or explore ideas and strategies on a deeper level. Whenever someone in the company made an emphatic statement about what should be done, others were instructed to ask “why” five times so they could get to the root of the idea. I’ve used it a number of times in my own self-inquiry and with others. It always gets me closer to the truth.

This week, try asking good questions. Perhaps you already know the answer to something, but go ahead and purposefully ask your co-worker the question to hear another point of view. Maybe you decide to check in more often in your conversations with others to make sure they heard you or understand you. A simple inquiry like, “Does this make sense to you?” after you’ve made a statement can start a much more enlightening conversation about the subject. Another idea is to turn a statement into a question or reframe an opinion so it opens the door for someone else to comment. If you are uncertain about your thinking or feelings, don’t be afraid to ask yourself “why” a few times to get to what’s really going on. Or maybe just experiment with the “why” exercise for fun with some of your team members.

Asking good questions is an art. And like art, it requires practice to get better at it. As Peter Drucker, the famous business consultant said, “My greatest strength as a consultant is to be ignorant and ask a few questions.”

Have a good week!

Kathleen

© Copyright 2012 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search Inc., all rights reserved. 

This week, I share the writing of one of my clients who, in his honesty and authenticity, describes some aha moments he had this past week. Meaning, he came to deeply understand some things we’ve been working on together for the past year. I was so taken by the sincerity of his writing that I asked him if I could share it in this week’s challenge, and he has generously given me his permission.

As a coach, you can’t be attached to whether your clients fully understand how you’re attempting to assist them. But when you clearly see something that you know will help them, you encourage them to take a path to get that clarity, and when they do, it’s the most gratifying and fulfilling experience.

I am most grateful to my client, Devin Youngman, for allowing me to share his very personal experiences this past week. Here is his e-mail to me:

Hey Kathleen,

I just wanted to follow up after our last conversation. It’s been an interesting week with a lot of new information and a bunch of aha-type moments, especially during the off-site meeting.I’m still sorting through many of my thoughts in an attempt to put them together into something coherent. This week, I learned some stuff and came to some conclusions. I’m attempting to burn through the mental fog, to see the picture clearly that is in my head and set a better course.

I’ve reached a state where I’ve gone beyond what my role here at the company is and into what I really want to be doing. This is where I’ve had most of the aha moments and what is clear to me is that I’m still figuring out what it looks like. To use one of my co-worker’s analogies, some pixels have started to come into focus, but the whole picture is not yet clear.Here are some specifics of what I discovered and a bit about the process.

During our off-site meeting, as we were discussing the various roles of the newly organized teams and how they are supposed to function, I paid close attention to my energy levels: what pulled me in and piqued my interest and where I found myself starting to zone out and lose focus. As it turned out, there were many more moments of engagement than zoning out. I noticed I lost focus when I began thinking about my current situation with my job responsibilities changing and how I would position myself going forward.

As soon as I detached myself from that racket in my head (which I’m still not sure how I did), I found myself getting engaged, energized and running headlong into discussions, mental juices flowing, etc.

This off-site was a lot about building process and creating teams, empowering teams, etc., and I noticed that many of the folks at the off-site had not yet experienced the process we were implementing. So, I found myself in the role of impromptu trainer for how things work currently and the obstacles that we had overcome (or still have) and giving advice on how to do things.

This was a relatively short and minor portion of the off-site sessions, but the aha moment was when I realized that one of the things I enjoy most about what I do is the coaching/mentoring/teaching aspect of my role, which made me think about what else I could add to this list.

I know you suggested something nearly identical to this previously, but what I think was missing (what I was having the most difficulty with) was the sensation or feeling of being energized by something I’m doing. Frankly, I had gotten to a stage where I had started to forget what it was like to feel that kind of energy. I think, maybe, I needed to experience something authentic again before I could go there.

Anyway, this led me to creating two lists. The first was a continuation of the things that I do (or have done) that give me energy with a few examples and the second was a list of things I do not enjoy about my current role that suck energy from me.

(I can’t help but imagine your reaction to this, as you had me do that same exercise when we first talked about energy levels and here I am doing it again months later.)

What made the difference this time was that I didn’t look at my current responsibilities as things I needed to be doing and subsequently didn’t look for ways to find energy. Instead, I looked at what I was doing in the moment at the off-site and seeing how much energy it gave me. In addition, I realized that there were certain things I had previously (either consciously or unconsciously) ignored — probably because I didn’t want to face the reality that certain activities (like tooting my own horn to people I don’t normally work with) were things I felt were necessary and expected by others.

In many ways, I suppose, I wanted to succeed at all the things other people were doing or expected me to be doing and was not ready to admit that I was never going to get energy from doing many of those things. It’s still hard to admit, but as I’m writing this, a story suddenly comes to mind that seems relevant.

When I was in fourth grade we had one of those candy bar fundraisers for the school, which had a prize for the top few sellers.With the help of my dad and all the people he worked with, I ended up winning first prize. I received a nice little cassette player for my bedroom. I was overjoyed! But the reality was that I had only personally sold maybe 20 percent of the candy bars. Dad and his co-workers had done the rest.

The following year, they did the same fundraiser, and I was gung-ho to win first prize again. The competition was much more fierce that year as the prizes were better and the rest of the class realized what they could get if they won. Consequently, that second year it was much harder to win. Also, my dad had changed to the graveyard shift and had far fewer team members so I knew there was no longer an extended team that would help me sell candy bars.

So what did I do? Well, I was damned if I wasn’t going to win that first prize again. My friends all thought I was going to win again, and I had already been imagining what it would feel like to win two years in a row. The expectations were high.

Every day after school I went house to house, until it became too dark to see (even knowing I’d get in trouble if I didn’t get home by dark) because I wanted to win. I hit every nearby neighborhood, family member, church member — some repeatedly. I didn’t go anywhere without a full box of candy bars in case I ran into someone, anyone, who would be willing to buy them.I ended up winning again that year, though I couldn’t even tell you what the prize was. What I didn’t realize until years later was that I didn’t really want to win, but rather, I simply didn’t want to fail. I had built it up in my head that I KNEW I could do it, that people expected me to do it, and therefore I HAD to do it. The prize and recognition had lost all meaning, but how could I let people see me fail? It sucked up so much of my energy and I was so relieved that it was over, I didn’t even care that I won or what the prize was — the point was I hadn’t failed and I didn’t need to sell anymore candy bars (to this day I avoid sales related jobs or tasks like the plague).

Eventually, it occurred to me the following year, that there was a loophole in the system I had created. In the first year, by using my dad and his co-workers, I hadn’t really sold all that candy. I understood that to cheat was not to play fairly. And in the second year, what really motivated me was not failing in the eyes of others. It had nothing to do with selling candy and winning a prize. Also, in the second year, I lost so much energy from the entire experience that in my sixth grade year I didn’t sell a single candy bar. Whenever someone asked me how I was doing in the competition, I just told him or her I wasn’t selling that year. I don’t remember what I said when people asked me further about that, as I’m sure they did, but I never, ever told anyone the real reason.

Anyway, I know that was a long-winded tangent (it just came out as I was typing), but my point is that the feeling is the same today as it was then. There are some aspects to what I’ve been doing in my role that suck so much energy out of me that none of the energizers can balance. I’ve let it drain me to the point of apathy and so, in some cases, I mentally decide not to play. On the other hand, the things I mentioned such as coaching, mentoring and training give me a great deal of energy and are things I truly enjoy.

So where to go from here? I’ll admit, my brain is swirling with thoughts, ideas and events from the day. Now, back at the office, I had more one-on-one meetings today than I think I’ve ever had in one day, some of which should have drained me to my core. The entire day has been very emotional, but somehow it’s given me more energy. My energy level has peaked. I mean, look at the length of this email and I still have three sheets of paper with notes on them that I was going to send you.

But you know what? I’m not going to analyze it at the moment. I think there’s something important swirling in there, and if I’ve learned anything this week, I don’t want to force it.”

Many threads in this writing could be the starting point for your challenge this week. It could be to simply observe what gives you energy in your job and what takes it away. It could be to ponder what it feels like to fail. My client has given us plenty to choose from in his sincere writing. I’m choosing the importance of the aha moments that I’ve had in the past and how they are currently helping me to better understand myself and the world around me. Whatever you choose, I hope it leads you to your own aha moment this week.

Have a good week,

Kathleen

© Copyright 2012 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search Inc., all rights reserved.

This week’s challenge is about the struggle to stay current as we get older. A recent experience illustrates my point.

My office exists above a successful bakery and coffee shop in NE Portland. Needless to say, the early morning aromas of fresh-brewed coffee, muffins and bacon, wafting from the first floor to the second, present strong temptations.

Until recently, I occupied the largest office at the front of the building in of a suite of five. When you live in Portland, getting any kind of light into an office space, especially during the gloomy grey days of winter, is a luxury. I rented that particular office because it had an entire wall of windows facing south.

This past year, three fellows moved into the smallest office in the back. They had recently left their employment with a successful company to create their own startup. I could feel their excitement about their new venture, and everyone in our suite of offices encouraged them in their efforts. After almost a year of presenting their ideas to venture capitalists (a grueling process at best), they received a considerable amount of funding for their startup. The money arrived the second week of December — what a great holiday gift and a terrific way to start the new year!

Along with the funding, however, came the realization that they would now need to hire more people and expand. They were already crammed into the small office in back and began to look at office space in other locations. If you’ve ever shared office space, you know how rare it is to find people who all get along, and none of us wanted our startup guys to leave. So I decided to sacrifice my large office with all the light and proposed that we switch places. The startup guys thought this was a great idea, and when we all returned from the holidays, we commenced the move.

Fortunately for me, these three, young guys helped move me out of my office. After moving all of my furniture, books, rugs and other supplies into our shared reception area, I looked at it all and wondered how one woman could accumulate so much stuff in a year’s time (perhaps fodder for a future challenge). As I stood there, one of our other suite mates commented as he walked by, “Geez, it looks like an antique shop!” I was devastated! Was all my stuff so conservative and old-looking that someone would make such an observation? I looked at everyone else’s office décor. One could only describe it as somewhere between contemporary garage sale finds and IKEA. My Oriental rug, mission-style desk and comfy chairs looked ancient in comparison. I wondered, “Are my office belongings a reflection of my antiquated thinking? Have I reached an age where my thoughts and attitudes, which I often don’t question, reflect my age and many years of business experience rather than being particularly relevant to the present modern times?”

A few days later, in talking with my landlord about moving my landline from my old office to the new, he asked me why I even had a landline. “Don’t you use your cellphone most of the time anyway?” I had to admit that I did. There it was again. Had I become such a fuddy-duddy that I hadn’t even thought about why I had a landline? In my world, if you have an office, you have to have a landline. “But Dan,” I said, “I’ve had that phone number for 14 years!” “Well, that’s not a problem,” he replied. “Your cellphone company can simply port the number to your cellphone. The real question is, why do you even need that number anymore?” As I considered this, I realized I was actually attached to my phone number. Like having a pet for 15 years, I had grown an emotional attachment to a set of numbers!

Whether or not I get rid of my landline is not the point, but how I use my landline and whether or not that’s still relevant for my business is what’s most important. This means I need to change my thinking from “That’s the way I’ve always done it” to “Is this the best use of technology for my business?”

These thoughts caused me to make a resolution for 2012. This year, I will try not to assume that just because something was true before, it’s true now. There’s a lot to be said for practical experience, and I’m sure many of the solutions I recommend to my clients are still sound and work well. But I’ve resolved to question my thinking more often and to try new things. Part of the benefits of sharing office space with young people involved in a startup is that I get to witness how flexible they are in their thinking. They come to the venture with very few preconceived notions, and they’re not afraid to explore new territory. In fact, their new company is based on just that, a brand new set of ideas and possibilities.

This week, try experimenting with your thinking. Don’t be afraid to question your assumptions and talk about new ideas with your staff or business partners. Maybe you’ll reconsider some of the processes you’ve had in place for a number of years and change them or maybe even eliminate them altogether. Try asking yourself “Why?” rather than “How?” when it comes to the way you do things. You might even create a new meeting each month for the sole purpose of generating new and creative ideas. Ask people to come to the meeting with the attitude that the sky is the limit and that no ideas, thoughts or questions are stupid or inappropriate.

With the passing of Steve Jobs last year, I realized how much this man changed my life because he wasn’t afraid to think out of the box. He thrived on new ideas, creative solutions and that wonderful energy that comes from successfully doing something no one has ever done before. As he said, “Innovation comes from people meeting up in the hallways or calling each other at 10:30 at night with a new idea or because they realized something that shoots holes in how we’ve been thinking about a problem.”

This week, consider thinking and acting in new ways. As this quote from author and inventor Roger von Oech advises, “It’s easy to come up with new ideas; the hard part is letting go of what worked for you two years ago but will soon be out of date.”

Have a good week,

Kathleen

© Copyright 2012 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search Inc., all rights reserved.

It’s a new year, and I’m happy to say that I’m feeling more encouraged and invigorated by 2012 already. I think 2011 will go down as a challenging year for most of us.

This past week, I had many thoughts about what resolutions and goals I wanted to make this year. I’ve often made the mistake of choosing things I can do for awhile, but then my resolve weakens and the goal is lost. This year, I’m taking some advice from an article a client sent to me about small things we can do at work that will be helpful. Although this article is already 4 years old, it’s still as relevant as ever.

Rod Kurtz, the senior editor of Inc.com, says workers tend to overlook office behaviors when making New Year’s resolutions. In his December 2007 article, “11 Ways to Make your Job Better: Office Resolutions for 2008”, Kurtz suggests the following resolutions to improve your workplace lifestyle:

• Fight the tyranny of the urgent. Be more productive by finishing small projects. Block off a period of time each day to take care of small tasks, leaving more time to spend on larger projects.

• Clean your desk. A lot of clutter makes it hard to be productive, and a messy desk can equal a bad day. Take a few minutes each day to organize the piles.

• Don’t be self-absorbed. Try not to ignore others; it may rub co-workers and subordinates the wrong way.

• Come in early, leave on time. This forces workers to plan their day rather than wasting time and putting tasks off until later. Staying late isn’t always the best method.

• Go to the gym — or don’t. Exercising relieves stress, but the gym isn’t the only answer. Workers can dance or participate in other activities outside the workplace.

• Don’t shoot from the hip. Read through your e-mails and text messages before sending them. Make sure you know what you are saying.

• Spend more time with your family. Make an effort to be with your family. They are as important as clients (if not more so).

• Thank people and give positive feedback. Try to reward a co-worker with recognition. A simple thank you can go a long way and make people feel better about their jobs.

• Take time to vacation. Taking a break from work can be good for our bodies and minds, a mental break for our batteries to charge. Bringing work on vacation doesn’t count.

• Develop yourself. Be in charge of your professional development. Taking a new course or asking co-workers or outside professionals for help can increase your knowledge.

• Acknowledge your shortcomings. You need to realize that you aren’t perfect. Recognize your weaknesses and ask others for help. Identify your strengths and be willing to help others where they are not as strong. This will help strengthen work relationships.

Kurtz also suggests that the more specific you make your resolutions, the better chance you’ll have of continuing the behavior. So, for example, instead of saying, “I’ll keep my desk clean,” it would be more effective to plan to spend 10 minutes out of each day cleaning your desk. Write down your resolutions and review them. This will help remind you of what you resolved to do.

Your challenge this week is to choose resolutions and goals that are achievable. Be honest with yourself. If you resolve to lose 10 pounds, what are you willing to do each day to lose that weight? Expecting yourself to lose it all within a month is probably unrealistic. Cut yourself some slack when it comes to holding yourself to your resolutions. Consistent, small steps generally get us to our destination even if we don’t arrive there as quickly as we’d like.

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Note: Many thanks to my friends at Reclaiming Futures for sending me this article!

© Copyright 2012 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search Inc., all rights reserved.

Back in November of 2006, I wrote a challenge about an amazing young girl named Bailey whom I met on an airplane flight to Portland. I’ve been asked by a few clients to re-publish this challenge as it seems so appropriate for the holidays. Here it is:

I had an experience recently that seemed an appropriate topic for this week since we are officially now in the holiday season.

While flying back to Portland, I sat next to a 10-year-old girl named Bailey. When I first saw her, she seemed just like any other little girl, but as I sat down next to her, the flight attendant informed me that Bailey was a “challenged child” (an odd term) in that she could not speak. However, the flight attendant went on to say that Bailey would understand everything I said to her and could communicate with movement and expressions.

This news made me immediately uncomfortable. As I buckled my seatbelt and settled into my seat, I realized how awkward and confused I felt. Should I speak to her or not? What kind of response would I get from someone who couldn’t speak? Did she even want me to interact with her? It was as if this little girl were made of fine porcelain and if I didn’t treat her very carefully, she might break.

Fortunately, Bailey immediately put me at ease with her beautiful smile and sparkling blue eyes. When I said hello to her, she smiled and waved hello. The plane took off, and I began to read a magazine. The many Christmas advertisements featured pictures of snowflakes, stars, icicles, presents, etc.

Each time that I turned a page and a picture of a star appeared, Bailey pointed to the star and looked at me and smiled. I would then say, “Yes, that’s a star.” Before long, I noticed that I was actually looking for more pictures of stars so we could communicate with each other.

Coincidentally, there was a boy sitting behind us about the same age as Bailey. I realized before long that he talked pretty much continuously, first about the X-Box he wanted for Christmas, then about his friend’s new cell phone, then about school, then about his Dad, and so on and so on.

After awhile, I realized I had toned him out. I may have been open to hearing what he had to say in the beginning, but after so many words, I was no longer interested. And yet, every movement and expression of the little girl sitting next to me, who couldn’t speak a word, kept me keenly interested in what she was communicating.

This experience made me think about our basic need to connect with each other as human beings, and the importance of allowing our emotional beings to reach out to each other in any way possible. When we take up all the space by talking about ourselves and don’t allow the other person room to respond, the connection is lost, and the speaker becomes a nuisance rather than someone we want to know.

Bailey taught me something fundamental about our true nature as human beings. Wordlessly, her communication came through loud and clear. Her loving nature spoke volumes, and our communication had a quality that I don’t often experience when I talk with another person.

At one point, when a picture in the magazine appeared that showed animals around a beautifully decorated holiday tree, Bailey took my hand briefly and pointed my finger to the star at the top of the tree. Her open heartedness moved me with such warmth and joy that it brought tears to my eyes.

This week, try connecting with others in ways that you don’t normally use. Experiment with being more present to someone who is speaking to you so that you can not only hear her or his words, but can also notice expressions and gestures. Perhaps you’ll try greeting someone with a smile and some eye contact instead of a hello. If you find that you tend to talk a lot about yourself, try to ask other people questions about themselves instead. Practice listening more, especially to the words that are not being spoken, so that you can have a different experience in your communications.

And finally, be grateful that you have the amazing ability to connect and communicate with others in so many ways. By meeting Bailey, I understood that some of us are not so fortunate and that many of the things we take for granted, like saying our name, are not possible for others.

During this holiday season, be thankful for your ability to let others know what you think, how you feel, and who you are. And don’t be afraid to really connect by allowing the beauty of your heart to speak out, whether it’s in words or silence.

Have a great week,

Kathleen

Note: The coach will be on vacation for the holidays from 12/24 unti 1/2/12. The next challenge will be published on 1/8/12. Here’s wishing you all a joyous holiday!

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2011 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search Inc., all rights reserved.

Outside my window this morning, the gray skies hang heavy over leafless trees. Frost clings to my unhappy rose bush, and I feel a cold draft seeping through the window frame. Why, when everything else has gone underground to sleep, do we continue to be as active as ever? If it were April and the days were becoming warmer and all the trees and plants were in bud, I could understand it. But now?

As I page through my calendar for the next two weeks, I realize how busy I am during the holiday season. There is something strange about working hard this time of year. I often think the month between Thanksgiving and Christmas should be one of rest rather than work. However, like everyone else, I seem to be scurrying around trying to get stuff done before year-end.

Somewhere along the line, we human beings created a world in which we don’t have to pay much attention to the seasons. We stay warm in winter, cool in summer, and at least on the west coast, we can buy any kind of vegetable or fruit we want all year long. Believe me, I’m as grateful for these conveniences as anyone but I’m also aware that because of them, we keep up the same busy pace pretty much all year long, with an occasional few weeks of vacation here and there.

Winter is actually a time of renewal. It’s the time when nature draws its energy underground to rest.  People who live in more primitive settings live inside and rely on what they’ve harvested and stored to nourish them through the winter months. Animals acknowledge the shorter days and sleep more. I find myself going to bed much earlier in winter. Who needs to stay awake after 9 p.m. when it’s already been dark for four hours?

Here are some thoughts from educator and writer Margaret Wheatley, who contributed to the book, “Leadership and the New Science.” In these writings, she acknowledges this time of renewal as it relates to business.

“Renewal most naturally occurs in late fall and winter when the leaves are off the trees and life appears still. Renewal is the time to remember our true nature. How do we do that? We remember who we are by becoming silent witnesses, by being instead of acting. Renewal is a time to be a human be-ing. If vision is the in breath and action is the out breath, then renewal is the space between the breaths. Renewal is the time to let go and to make space for a new or refreshed vision to emerge, so that the cycle may begin again. Renewal is called for when our vision is no longer assuring or our actions aren’t in alignment with our vision. Renewal is the time to assess our work in its own context as well as in the context of our lives and purpose. Renewal asks, ‘What really matters now?’ and is the time to tell the truth and to ask questions rather than to give answers. Answers encourage blinders: Questions open us up, free and empower us.

“Renewal is a time to tell the truth about what is so, and then to face that truth. It is the time to heal our selves, to remember who we are. And when we remember who we are, we bring our authentic selves forward.

“Renewal is a time to surrender what is no longer useful. There is often an aspect of death in renewal, as letting go may require the end of a way of thinking or operating, the end of a product line, closing down a factory, letting go of a dream. The very act of renewal is a surrender of doing.

“Once we let go, we often experience a sense of release and new energy. We also experience a sense of spaciousness. The often irresistible temptation is to fill that space immediately, as not knowing may be very uncomfortable. This space is best used as a time of questioning and allowing. This space may last a moment, a week, or several months or more in time. This space is the rich, fertile ground out of which true vision emerges.”

Give yourself permission to embrace this season of renewal by finding ways to rejuvenate your inner resources. The first of the year will be here before we know it, and then spring will be right around the corner. Now is the time to restore some of your vital energy to be able to approach the new year and coming spring with vigor and a new attitude.

Have a good week!

Kathleen

© Copyright 2011 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search Inc., all rights reserved.

Good day, team.

This week’s challenge is about inner wisdom. After a week in silence at a meditation retreat, I had an opportunity to get quiet enough to hear my inner wisdom. Frankly, I had forgotten just how quiet you need to get to hear it. It’s not just an opportunity for external sounds to dissipate, but also for the internal voices of the mind, heart and body to begin to quiet down so that you  hear that quiet voice within.

This inner wisdom has many labels. Some people call it conscience or intuition or a sense about something. Whatever we call it, we all seem to know what it is — that inner voice that quietly says what we know is true. So, as the mind continues to analyze this solution or that, or strategize about the next best move, that quiet voice simply makes a statement that our inner awareness recognizes.

Here’s a good example. Years ago when I changed careers, I remember distinctly hearing that inner, quiet voice continuing to give me the same message. I had been recruiting for 20 years and I was successful, at least in terms of having plenty of business and making good money. But when I got very quiet and really asked myself what was true, that inner voice told me it was time to move on. In looking at it, I realized that I didn’t find recruiting very satisfying. So I hired a coach to help me determine what might be a better career path for me. My coach was very helpful. She encouraged me to explore lots of different possibilities and to continue to listen to that quiet voice within. But that voice wasn’t telling me what profession was right for me, it was just telling me it was time to move on. Of course, my mind went into overdrive because it desperately wanted an answer right away, but my inner voice told me to be patient, that when the time was right, the opportunity would show itself to me.

As time passed, I found myself resting in the question. Instead of trying to force an answer, I continued to question and inquire. Eventually, it became clear that I wanted to become a coach. As I explored training options and figured out how to become a coach, things just fell into place. Movement from recruiting to coaching took place naturally.

This is one of the characteristics of inner wisdom: It isn’t forced. The Roman lyric poet Horace wrote, “Force without wisdom falls of its own weight.” As the mind and heart struggle to figure something out and we push or pull to make things happen, the entire experience becomes heavier and harder to do, and we often get farther away from what’s actually true for us. Conversely, that quiet voice has the energy of acceptance and spaciousness about it; it’s as light as a feather but as sure as anything can ever be.

Another aspect of inner wisdom is that like an ability or a muscle, hearing your inner wisdom actually strengthens it. I find that when I make the time to be quiet with myself each day, that inner voice is more accessible. It’s not that it’s louder; it’s just easier for me to hear.

This week, spend some quiet time with yourself. Try sitting quietly for 10 minutes doing nothing. Experience sitting still and quieting the mind by not attaching to any thought as it comes up. Thoughts do come and go, but they only stick around when we get stuck to them. Emotions come up and seemingly overtake us, but if we don’t continue to feed them with our thoughts, they also pass away. Sensations come and go as we continue to sit and be quiet. At some point, you may hear that voice within arising from some deep part of you. It often sounds to me like a pebble that’s been dropped into a well. You drop the pebble and wait in quiet stillness until you hear the pebble hit the water deep down at the bottom of the well. You know that eventually the pebble will hit the water, but you don’t know exactly when and you must be very quiet to hear it. When it does, you’re always a little surprised and yet you knew all along what it would sound like.

Be quiet for a time each day and listen. There’s a wealth of truth and understanding that each of us carries within the deepest part of our being. It doesn’t make a lot of noise and it doesn’t demand to be heard or understood — it just is. Try being silent enough to hear it.

Walt Whitman wrote, “Wisdom is not finally tested in the schools, Wisdom cannot be pass’d from one having it to another not having it, Wisdom is of the soul, is not susceptible of proof, is its own proof.”

Have a good week,

Kathleen

© Copyright 2011 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search Inc., all rights reserved.

]]> http://www.pathfinderscoach.com/2011/12/04/coachs-challenge-for-12411-inner-wisdom/feed/ 0 http://www.pathfinderscoach.com/2011/11/20/coachs-challenge-for-112011-leadership/ http://www.pathfinderscoach.com/2011/11/20/coachs-challenge-for-112011-leadership/#comments Mon, 21 Nov 2011 01:26:12 +0000 Kathleen Doyle-White http://www.pathfinderscoach.com/?p=682 Good day, team.

I’m often asked by clients what the difference is between managing and leading others. There’s an assumption that people who manage others are automatically leaders. However, if we look at the definition of the words, we see that they are actually quite different. A simple definition of “lead” is “to go before or with to show the way.” The definition of “manage” is “to bring about or succeed in accomplishing something.”

In doing research about the differences between managers and leaders, I’ve found lots of information about how to become a good manager. But when it comes to defining great leaders, the information is less about what they do and more about who they are and how they impact others. As one of my clients said, “Good managers get it done. Great leaders inspire others to get it done.” Indeed, all the great leaders I’ve known inspire and motivate people. But there’s still much more to being a great leader.

Here’s my description of what leaders do:

Great leaders move people and events forward. They inspire others to commit and engage. They reflect their personal passion for achieving the best for themselves and everyone around them. They are not afraid to be vulnerable and courageous at the same time. Their presence is powerful because it is authentic. Wisdom, compassion and making a positive difference in the lives of others becomes their legacy. Here are the four essential practices of leaders:

Shape Strategic Thinking

• Inspire a sense of purpose and direction
• Focus strategically — on the big picture
• Harness information and opportunities
• Show judgment, intelligence and common sense

Cultivate Productive Relationships

• Nurture internal and external relationships
• Facilitate cooperation and partnerships
• Value individual differences and diversity
• Guide, mentor and develop people
• Listen, understand and adapt to your audience

Engage and Align

• Build organizational capability and responsiveness
• Steer and implement change, and deal with uncertainty
• Build on and champion individual and collective expertise
• Ensure closure and deliver on intended results

Lead by Example

• Do what you say; say what you do
• Engage with risk and show personal courage
• Commit to action and display resilience
• Tell the truth and communicate with clarity
• Demonstrate self awareness and a commitment to personal development

If you are in a leadership position, your challenge this week is to ask yourself which parts of this description align with how you lead and which parts do you ignore. Perhaps you already do what you say and say what you do, but you have trouble engaging in risk and showing personal courage. Maybe you enjoy mentoring others but have trouble cultivating external relationships. Be honest with yourself when you do your assessment.

If you aren’t currently in a leadership role but aspire to becoming more of a leader, take a look at the description to see what you might need to cultivate in yourself. Consider the differences between managing and leading, and think about these roles in terms of your own strengths and capabilities.

Perhaps your working as an individual contributor. Think about what kind of person you would wish to follow as your leader. Do they exhibit the kinds of characteristics mentioned above? Who would you want to lead your team, your project, your country?

In closing, here are two of my favorite quotes about managing and leading:

“Management is getting work done through others. Leadership is taking people where they haven’t been but need to go.” — Don Roberts, Human Capital Advisory Services, Deloitte and Touche

“Management is the delusion that you can change people. Leadership is deluding other people instead of deluding yourself.” — Scott Adams, The Dilbert Principle

Have a good week,

Kathleen

PLEASE NOTE: The coach will be on vacation from 11/24 to 12/3. The next challenge will be published on Dec. 4, 2011. Happy Thanksgiving!

In my coaching practice, I often see patterns or trends among my clients in terms of the difficulties they are experiencing. For example, in the past month, many of my clients have become focused on what others think or feel about them.

Overall, I’ve observed that we all spend far too much time wondering what others think of us. No matter how certain I think I am about what others think of me, I can never truly know without asking. And often, when I do ask, I end up being wrong. In fact, I often discover that the other person isn’t thinking about me at all but rather judging themselves in some way. Ironically, most people are doing the same thing: spending too much time and energy worrying about what others think.

Here’s a good example. Last year, one of my clients worked for someone she was convinced didn’t like her. She complained to me that others in the department got special treatment from the boss. She was jealous that he spent time mentoring others and felt he never spent quality time with her. She worried that her boss would give her a poor performance review. She became so convinced he had something against her that she began to fear every meeting she had with him. And she began telling others in the company that she was sure he was out to get her and that, eventually, he would fire her.

This scenario may sound paranoid, but many people experience these kinds of thoughts and feelings about a boss, a relative, an old friend who no longer makes contact, or even a current friend who they are convinced no longer approves of or likes them.

I suggested to my client that perhaps she should meet with her boss and express her true thoughts and feelings. My idea was to let him know that she understood her feelings might not be true, but that she would at least like to own them and clear the air. In exploring this idea, she admitted that what frightened her the most was allowing herself to be vulnerable with her boss. She worried that he could then really hurt her. I asked if going through her current amount of suffering was better or worse than the kind of conversation she and her boss might be able to have if she told him about her feelings. She went away pondering the question.

In the course of our work together, I began to see that by being so frightened of her boss, my client was actually beginning to attract the very thing she most feared — that he would fire her. One day, I received an email from her boss asking if we could meet. He expressed concerns about my client and couldn’t figure out what was wrong. He observed that she often acted strangely around him. In their one-on-one meetings, she couldn’t make eye contact with him and would be in tears if he pointed out areas for improvement. When he did compliment her on a job well done, she brushed if off and said, “Well, that’s just part of my job, isn’t it?” He was particularly concerned about the effect she had on the rest of the team and felt that she might be spreading rumors about him that weren’t true. One of his other employees had come to him and told him that my client obviously didn’t respect him because she often complained about how hard he was to work for. He was beginning to think that perhaps she wasn’t the right fit for the job and the department.

Of course, the boss was struggling to figure this dynamic out and spent a lot of time analyzing each interaction with her. What was he doing wrong? Had he given her too much to do? Was she unstable and did his behavior provoke an emotional response to him? He was beginning to doubt his management abilities the more he thought about it.

Months went by until finally, my client’s boss reached a tipping point. He just couldn’t take it any longer and in the middle of a meeting with my client, he stopped and said, “What am I doing wrong here? You seem to always be upset about something I’ve done.” To which my client, burst into tears and ran out of his office.

The good news is that this was the needed breakthrough. My client later sat down with her boss and expressed her fears and concerns. She was completely shocked to learn that her boss had similar feeilngs of inadaqaucy in regards to how he was managing her. They discovered that their styles of communication and how they approached tasks was so completely different that they didn’t understand each other very well. Whenever there was a misunderstanding, they each were convinced that they had done something wrong and that the other was judging them for lack of performance.

The danger here is in projecting our madness onto others. When we convince ourselves that someone doesn’t like us, we make up stories about them and project those stories out as the truth. How often have you spoken negatively to a co-worker about someone you work with and then gotten your co-worker to believe things about that person that aren’t even true? It can take years for people to get over these negative stories and the fear they can create in an organization.

This week, see how often you think about what others think of you. Are you worried about what others are saying about you? Have you become angry or fearful because you’re convinced someone else thinks your not good enough or not competent in your job? Have you become so convinced that someone doesn’t like you that you try to find reasons not to like them as well? All of this can be avoided when we realize that no one spends all that much time thinking about us, whether in a negative or a positive vein. Allowing our imagination to run wild with our false stories and interpretations of events has a destructive effect on us that can last a life time.

Everyday I ask myself, do these thoughts I’m having serve me? Is it worth my time and energy to continue to worry about something I have no control over? How damaging is it for me to allow my mind to run wild with these thoughts? Perhaps, I can think better thoughts about myself and this other person. What do I know about both of us that’s really true?

I know these thoughts will come and go. It’s just a question of whether I want to hold onto them, entertain them and feed them. At the heart of it, we all want to be loved and cared for. But the only person I have control over is myself. So, I try to love and care for myself each day. The good news is that when I do this, my ability to love and care for others increases and it’s no longer just about me. It becomes much more about us.

Have a great week!

Kathleen

© Copyright 2011 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search Inc., all rights reserved.